Writer of Pop Culture

Even with the many streaming services available to us these days, we still have TV specials. They are a break in the routine and often are a form of entertainment during the holidays. Some are considered classics, and they air repeatedly as annual traditions. But not the following seven disasters. They have only aired once and that was enough. Some have been considered some of the worst that TV had to offer. If you’d really like to see these, most have been found on YouTube and some have even been offered on DVD. No one really knows why.

Known as The Hollywood Squares’ center square star, the comedian produced a number of hour-long comedy specials for ABC during the mid-1970s. The Halloween special featured an impressive guest list including Margaret Hamilton (from The Wizard of Oz), Billie Hayes (from H.R. Pufnstuf), the rock band KISS, Billy Barty (Dr. Shrinker’s assistant), Tim Conway, Roz Kelly (Pinky Tuscadero from Happy Days), Florence Henderson, Betty White, Donny Osmond and Marie Osmond.

The Paul Lynde show had the look and feel of a Sid and Marty Krofft variety special as it featured many stars from Krofft shows, (including a lot of bad jokes and a nauseating laugh track), but it was produced by Hoysyl Productions.

Even though the whole gang showed up for the spectacle (Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, R2-D2, C-3PO and Darth Vader) the majority of the special focused on Chewbacca’s family on the Wookiee planet Kashyyyk waiting for Han Solo to bring the beast home for Life Day.

Chewbacca’s family (wife Malla, son Lumpy and father Itchy) spoke to each other in the Wookiee language (and with no subtitles mind you) while they busied themselves waiting for his return. Malla worked in the kitchen preparing food while watching Harvey Korman play a cooking show host on TV, Itchy watched Diahann Carroll sing while wearing a virtual reality device and Lumpy watched a cartoon about Boba Fett. The special also included appearances by Bea Arthur, Art Carney and the band Jefferson Starship.

Eventually, everyone arrived at the Tree of Life for the celebration with Leia singing a song about Life Day to the tune of the Star Wars theme song.

The first half, The Challenge, featured Batman and Robin along with The Flash, Green Lantern, Hawkman, Captain Marvel, the Huntress and Black Canary going up against supervillains like The Riddler, Weather Wizard, Sinestro, Mordru, Doctor Sivana, Giganta and Solomon Grundy. The second half, The Roast, featured the heroes at a celebrity roast hosted by Ed McMahon.

Both parts were super silly. It was clear that they were going for a similar tone found in the old Batman show but with a bad jokes and a laugh track. It is unclear if Hanna-Barbera had hopes that they could make more Legends of the Superheroes specials, but after these performances, it was pretty clear that we wouldn’t be seeing any more of them regardless.

The special featured a rather flimsy storyline about a Los Angeles family preparing to move to Minneapolis. Heather (played by Heather O’Rourke, you know, the spooky girl from Poltergeist) was invited by her older brother to visit Disneyland one last time so she can say goodbye to her Disney friends. But when she gets there, she sees that Fantasyland is all closed up.

Jiffy, the “Fantasyland Problem Solver” (Morey Amsterdam from The Dick Van Dyke Show) appears to cheer her up and give her a sneak peek at some of the park’s updated rides. Very little was actually shown. Instead, the time was filled up with a lot of talkie dialogue. In one scene, a performance by the park’s costumed characters is interrupted by the “unbelieving” Heather. Captain Hook threatens to toss her to the crocodile and the Queen of Hearts utters “Off with her head!” Even Mickey shakes his head in disappointment with the girl.

Compared to Disney’s many other specials based on the parks, this one was a snooze fest. It clearly was made on a shoestring budget and with no “magic”.

The story, such as it was, featured Santa Benny (The A-Team’s Mr. T) raising donations in downtown New York City. He gets a visit from little sourpuss Billy (Webster’s Emmanuel Lewis) who explains that he is “a kid who doesn’t care much about Christmas”, but for no real reason. Santa Benny immediately recognizes that Billy has a bad case of “B.A.” (bad attitude). I pity the fool.

Lewis was cute but not much of an actor. There was only one real “dream” in the story, and that is when Billy fell asleep watching the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes practice and he becomes part of their act. It’s only fitting that he basically sleepwalks through the special. Mr. T wasn’t much better.

The special also starred Maureen McGovern who sang, puppeteer Willie Tyler and his puppet Lester, ice skaters Tai Babilonia and Randy Gardner, magician David Copperfield and even a cameo by then Mayor Ed Koch. They all show up at the end of the special for a Christmas party where Benny tells the nativity story (which is actually pretty impressive) while the American Boychoir sang traditional tunes. By the end of the special, Little Billy has an attitude adjustment and goes home a happy boy with his parents. The whole thing was a boring mess with good intentions.

Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue starred teenager Michael who has just gotten into using marijuana and steals money from his younger sister’s piggy bank to get more. So, the Smurfs, Garfield the cat, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Winnie-the-Pooh, Tigger, the Baby Muppets, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Alf, the ducks Huey, Dewey and Louie and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arrive on the scene to help the both of them “say no” to not only Michael’s friends but to Smoke, the true villain in the story.

Produced by the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences Foundation and Southern Star Productions, this special opened with a message from President George H. W. Bush and his wife Barbara. It even featured a song written by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman. The characters featured were voiced by the same actors from their respective shows, but the special itself was animated overseas.

The special was pretty preachy and not very funny. (Bugs Bunny’s scenes were particularly mean-spirited.) In fact, it probably really scared young viewers, which was the point, I guess.

Not everything about this cartoon was bad. It featured an impressive voice cast, which included Mark Hamill, Nancy Cartwright, Paige O’Hara and Jodi Benson. O’Hara and Benson even sang some of the songs along with Peabo Bryson. The rest of the production though, was a mess.

Directed and co-written by Colin Slater, Believe in Santa had a budget of $500,000. The computer animation company known as Wolf Tracer Studios created the special using the consumer-grade CGI animation program 3D Choreographer and the effects were made using Adobe Photoshop and Adobe After Effects. Even so, Rose trusted the animators completely with his project. He didn’t even check on their work during production. It wasn’t until the special premiered on TV that he saw the trainwreck with his own eyes.

The special was syndicated with most of the distribution going through The WB 100+ Station Group. It got terrible backlash for everything from the terrible character designs to the lackluster storyline.  

Main Image: Wikimedia